Kurt, Chris, and the Kilt
by Pyrofrickenmaniac
Summary: "I suspect they are just trying to strip away the little masculinity I still retain," Colfer said as he straightened his man skirt. Warning: minor spoilers for future "Prom Queen" episode. One-shot. Chris/Amber/Darren friendship


**Based off of _minor_ spoliers for "Prom Queen." The only spoilers mentioned here are of what Kurt most likely is wearing to prom, what color Mercedes's dress is, and that Chris apparently took off his kilt in between takes a lot. I personally do not know any other spoilers than these and I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANY OTHERS.**

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><p>Chris Colfer had tackled some of the most complicated fashion statements during his career on Glee. His wardrobe stylists had concocted some of the oddest, most high-fashion outfits for him to wear and each one seemed more ridiculous than the last, but he had forged on despite.<p>

Today as he headed towards the costume department in preparation for the days work. Today they were shooting the Prom episode and he was happy to know that his costume would consist of simply a suit with maybe some kind of broach; a change from his Dalton uniform or skinny jeans at least.

"Hey Chris," Amber, who played Mercedes, greeted from her chair as she skimmed over her lines again.

"Wow, you look amazing," Chris complemented as Amber stood up to show off her long purple prom gown. He took her hand and spun her around making her giggle.

"Watch out, if I move too much it's gonna split apart," she laughed. "They had to sew me into this thing!"

Chris snorted. "Oh poor you," he joked. "I'm sewn into those skinny jeans every single time!"

Amber laughed again. "I knew those things couldn't be easy to get in! But seriously, they always sew you in?"

They continued walking towards Chris's changing room as he responded. "Yeah otherwise," he leaned in closer to his best friend, "There's no way in hell I'd be able to fit my junk in there."

Amber smiled, remembering the first time Chris ever had to wear a Kurt outfit and had spent the rest of the day walking funny. Chris had finally told Amber later that day that since Kurt always crossed his legs, he had totally crushed his 'package' the entire filming and Chris had not yet discovered how to fit his penis comfortably into the pants yet.

"So just a suit today?"

"Yep!" Chris said happily. "I mean, I'd still love to go in a hoodie and sweatpants, but I think they'd only let me wear that if Kurt was suicidal."

But of course it wouldn't _just _be a suit.

He played Kurt.

And Kurt was fabulous.

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><p>"What the hell is that?" Chris asked faintly as he looked at his costume still sheathed in plastic. His usual wardrobe assistant, Allie, put her hands on his shoulders and led him closer to it.<p>

"Sweetheart, if I had a nickel for every time you've asked that, I'd make more than you do!"

"But-but, _this?_" he sputtered. "I'm not even Scottish!"

It was a kilt.

Kurt was wearing a freaking _kilt_ to prom!

Allie unzipped the cover and pulled out the kilt, holding it out to Chris. "Put it on, you know you want to," she said in a sing-song tone.

"There was nothing in the script about a skirt," Chris said.

"Ryan added it in last night. And you know what, I had to spend all night looking for a kilt that matches your suit, so say thank you and put it on."

Chris held the man-skirt in his hands. Yes, he had worn a skirt before, countless nut-cracking skinny jeans, giant sweaters, and dozens of huge scarves, but he felt that nothing had prepared him for this.

He took off his jeans and shoes then slowly slipped on the skirt. The wool scratched his legs all the way up. He hated this already.

Allie got behind his and removed his shirt so she could zip up the back of the kilt.

Chris grimaced in the full length mirror. "Please give me a shirt or something, it's painful to look at myself naked in only a skirt."

Allie kissed him on the cheek and ruffled his hair; she always acted a bit motherly towards him since she was 15 years older. "At least I have a bit of a surprise for you! I know that you hate having to wear tightie-whities for your skinny jeans, but since you're not wearing them today, you can wear boxers! Yay!" She made a fist-pump.

Chris gave her an unamused stare, but then had to smirk a bit from her overenthusiastic expression.

Allie tapped her chin. "Well actually, kilts are traditionally worn _without_ underwear so I could tell Ryan-"

"No! I'll take the boxers," Chris hurried to respond. If the fabric was irritating to his legs, he couldn't imagine how it would feel on his-

Chris shivered and put the light purple button-down shirt over his head then let Allie help him into his tuxedo, pulling out her sewing needle to make a quick alteration to the cuff. He was able to use his other hand to rummage through his underwear drawer pushing aside the countless tight underpants that he had to wear with his skinny jeans that he was sure would make him unable to conceive children in the long run. He found a pair of long red cloth boxers and took off his previous underwear to slide them on under the kilt.

Allie stood back and let him look himself over in the mirror.

He glared at her. "I blame you."

She smiled and sent him off to makeup. "Good luck, babe."

He made heads turn as he walked to makeup... in the bad way. He was practically fuming as his cast mates made catcalls at him. He knew it was all for fun of course, but it still annoyed him.

"Chris, hold up," Amber called and put her hands on Chris's shoulders. "Wow. I love it." She began laughing. "Did they change the script? I don't remember reading anything about a skirt."

"It's a kilt," he said automatically, resisting the urge to slap himself.

"So what's the reason for the _kilt_?"

"I haven't been told yet other than Kurt is making another fashion statement or something. But I suspect they are just trying to strip away the little masculinity I still retain."

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><p>"We want this dance to have an essence of naturalness, so we're going to skip choreography for today and try a few takes of improv. Got it?" Ryan Murphy said, then turned around to talk to the key grips.<p>

Darren gave a thumbs-up and looked Chris up and down a few times.

Chris felt himself blush. "Save it for the cameras or I swear to god I'm going to kick you in the nads," he said with a smile. "Then we'll see how good of a dancer you are."

Darren put his hands up defensively. "What? I can't appreciate my on-screen boyfriend."

"Not when we're off-screen," he deadpanned.

"Alright. So Darren, I want some falling-in-love-with-you-all-over-again looks and same from you Chris. Make this romantic, in a different take we'll try sexy, but right now everything should be sickly sweet. Got it? And remember to control your face at every second. Those Tumblr people disect _everything_," Ryan added.

Chris held back a smile recalling the screen caps made of Darren during the "bisexual talk scene" where he said "And you of _all people."_ The frozen facial expressions were priceless.

The actors faced each other, Darren's hand on Chris's hip. "Come What May" played softly in the background so they could know what they were dancing to even though it would be added later.

_Suddenly the world, seems such a perfect place..._

Chris went into Kurt-mode and made awed expressions as Darren wrapped him closer to his body. They danced slowly the whole song, taking turns leaning their head on the others shoulder and making big moon eyes. The other actors danced around them, stealing glances every few turns. He wasn't sure if they were told to do that or if they were watching for fun.

As the song neared an end, Darren lifted his arm up and spun Chris around.

Too fast.

The kilt billowed up as he was twirled and the other actors couldn't help but break character and shield their eyes. The actresses giggled while Chris kept in character and simply straightened it out before zealously attacking Darren with his body causing more laughter.

"Cut, cut, cut," Ryan said to everyone laughing a bit as well.

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><p>"Cut! Lunch!" Ryan called out. "We'll continue with the dance when we come back."<p>

Chris sighed in relief and scratched at his legs which felt inflamed from the horrible material rubbing against his thighs while he danced for about an hour with Darren. Unable to take it anymore, he stripped off the skirt and made his way to the caterers in his underwear and tuxedo, unashamed.

No one on set made a comment besides for a few perverted ones from Darren, Mercedes, and Ashley.

He had almost forgotten he was trotting around in his red boxers until he arrived back on set and Ryan asked where his kilt was. Cheeks red, Chris had to walk back to the caters and get the kilt off the back of his chair.

He put the skirt back on and winced, remembering why he took it off in the first place.

"You guys just hang out behind camera 3 for now while we get some shots of Heather and Harry," Ryan directed Darren and Chris.

Chris stripped out of the kilt again and hung it on his arm before joining Darren behind camera 3. Darren had to hold back laughter as Chris walked over once again in his underwear.

"Chris, this is starting to get ridiculous," Darren joked.

Chris stuck his tongue out and cocked a hip, becoming the HBIC.

Kilt or no kilt, Colfer sorta rocked.

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><p><strong>This story is inspired by a video that Harry Shum made (where you see Mercedes wearing a long purple prom gown), the spoilers of Kurt wearing a kilt to prom, and something someone tweeted about Chris taking his kilt off a lot between scenes.<strong>

**Reviews are love.**


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